Yesterday we didn’t make it to the goat farm though M did get her homework done (something came up) but we did get to connect M again with a fabulous resource we found about a year and a half ago at our favorite coffee shop. At the coffee shop, way back when, we met a local police officer who along with his wife were fostering several kids and in the process of going through adoption as well. This officer has taken a liking to M and has helped us along the way by reiterating things we tell her, himself (you know how kids don’t believe their parents when they say something for one reason or another). He has fun teasing her and she enjoys doing the same with him. He 'gets' that kids from foster care have special needs.
Last week M left volleyball practice at the end telling her coach I was there to pick her up (which I was not) and though we had her write her coach an apology letter and apologize to him in person, she didn’t seem to ‘get’ why she needed to 1) stay with the team until we picked her up and 2) how easily it would be for someone to hurt her – quickly and/or take her with them. She has a tendency to minimize safety concerns and overestimate her strength at the same time. And, kids who’ve been adopted at times have a propensity to get themselves into unsafe situations.
I’d called our friend and left a voicemail for him a the station last Friday and he called yesterday morning to say he’d be at the station all day and we were welcome to stop by. Before going in (M didn’t know who we were seeing at the station) I reminded her of the conversations her dad and I had with her about safety and helped her come up with some follow up questions to ask once we were in the station.
She and I came up with:
1) Do kids really get raped in the bushes?
2) What is a sex offender (I had her ask this because in our area there is a high number)?
3) Why do I need to let adults know where I am at at all times?
4) How can I keep myself safe?
He talked to all of us in one room – and it went great. The officer was calm and really clear with her.
He explained some things –
- It would take him 3 seconds to make her pass out (if he wanted to)
- Kids do get raped in the bushes
- No one will hear her scream in the back of a trunk of a car
- Why would a sex offender want to hang out near where I play volleyball?
- Whatever someone wants to do with her, they’d take her to an isolated place
AND….
- It is normal & good for people (including adults) to tell others where they are going (especially in case they don’t arrive when expected)
- His parents when he was growing up acted like my husband and I do -now
- In the last few weeks, his department has arrested a number of pedophiles in our area
- If something does happen, she needs to do everything she can to fight back
- He does NOT want M (or any other child) to become a victim and he has had to call people to tell them he’s found their child and it isn’t a positive outcome
By setting up this meeting we were in no way trying to instill her with fear, but instead, make her aware of why it is so important for her to be honest about her whereabouts, understand that there are people out there who are looking for kids to harm and how to go about being safe. It was a good reality check and at the same time it was nice to have someone M really respects tell her the same things (and more) that we’ve been telling her. Have you done anything similar with your child? Who talks to your child to help reiterate things you tell them that your child doesn’t appear to take to heart?
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