Tonights Tantrum

It has been a dozy of a night, for several reasons I am sure. First, school just resumed. M started back to school this past Tuesday (she is in middle school now) and that means less mother-daughter time together. Secondly, going back to school means change in routine. M has a fabulous attachment therapist (we call her a “butt kicker” – she really is!) and I distinctly remember this same situation last fall when M returned to school. So tonight as M took the dog around the block (he loves her more than life itself, we are sure!) in her funk – and after yelling at us, “In your dreams!” in response to something we asked her to do, we thought about what tools were in our resource box that might fit this situation (while hoping the endorphins did their part while she was walking, too). Sometimes what works best is to make her consequence something that is surprising to her, to get her brain to get out of its rut. Since she LOVES to read (and we did go to the library today) we thought about letting her cool down in her room, take some time to settle down and read in her room. Or, maybe, we thought, we should surprise her and have her have dessert first. Yeah, this we thought might jar her brain enough to get her out of her rut to make her realize how silly she was being. When she came back, we were prepared….She came in much calmer and apologized – to us AND her grandparents who were visiting. I told her she’d have to ask Dad what her consequence should be and you should have seen her amazement – it was palpable – when he told her the consequence was to take a nice, hot back and a book with her to read. She did a double take. I’m sure she thinks we’re nuts and frankly; maybe it is better this way. So, tell me…what kinds of consequences do you do that help keep you sane and help your kiddo move from the yelling, angry, rah, rah mode to being civil again?