RAD behavior management strategies

So, RAD consequences are a bit counter intuitive and so some of the best saying to get M to rethink her actions are a bit different, as well.


Some of my favorite RAD-ish saying and strategies are:

When she is trying to maintain control:   Are you being the parent or the child?

She tries, at times, to gain control of the situation because w/ her birth family this is what she did – she was in the position where she had to fend for herself all the time and so we’ve been working hard to reteach her how to be a kid – and do kid things. This saying forces her to acknowledge her role is to be the child. We are the parents and she does not have to do anything but be a kid.

When she is acting immature:    Are you acting 5 (or however old) or are you acting 12 (insert the child’s current age)?

 Then we’ll talk about how someone who is 12 behaves verse someone who is 5 (or whatever age). Of course, there are times where it is appropriate for her to act young because she didn’t get her needs met at those ages. For instance, in the tub she has toys and though she doesn’t play with them as much as when she first moved in, she still plays with them off and on.


When she isn’t following directions:   What did I ask you to do?  (Meaning she repeats back to me what she was told to do)

We use this when she has been given directions but has either gotten off task or has done something she wasn’t told to do. Having her repeat directions to us before she starts chores or does multiple step tasks does help increase her level of success.

The kicker...

When she is REALLY being nasty and we’re in public (we've used this in the mall the most often) to get her head thinking straight we will tell her, “M, you need to spit out your attitude.” She refuses and we’ll tell her again. Eventually she spits it out on the ground (at this point she is just spitting once on the ground). Then we tell her, “Ok, now say, ‘goodbye’ to your attitude.” She then looks at us and says, “Do I have to?” with that pre-teen glare.  “Yes, you have to.” She says, “Goodbye attitude” while looking at the ground at her attitude. Then, we lastly tell her she needs to stomp on her attitude. If this doesn’t make her smile and/or laugh (this is, afterall, pretty ridiculous!) or at least change her attitude some, we make her stomp more and the combination of her stomping and noticing that people might be looking at her (of course, being 12 she is sure everyone is always watcher her), gets her out of her funk.